Monday, July 22, 2013

Just keep swimming.

So, it's been about 11 weeks since TSIBaN was released. *cues the happy dance*

And it's been going well, I think. Of course, I have no idea really what is good, passable, or not good at all, but I like to think readers like the book. So, that's awesome! I'm super thankful for all the readers, all the comments, and all the new friends I've made throughout this whole thing! Seriously, I never expected all this awesomeness!

Now that I've gotten that off my chest, I want to be kind of candid for a moment. I watched this video from Kelsey Macke, one of those new friends that I met in the Adult Nerdfighter Facebook group:

You should watch it because a lot, alotalotalot, of what she says is how I feel. Especially the part about what her agent mentions about how we constantly compare our personal self to everyone else's public self. This is something I'd never heard before but it has totally struck a cord with me. I try really hard to remind myself that I am me, I am who I am and there's no escaping that, I wouldn't want to escape it! But it's easy, for me at least, to fall into this idea that others are doing things better than I am. And I'll admit that my jealous side does come out every once in a while. Or daily... But I see these prolific writers pumping out 2, 3, 4!!! books a year and I'm still wondering if I'll ever be able to finish another book. Not to mention trying to keep up with all the other stuff that's involved with being a published author, a mother of 2, a wife, etc. Don't get me wrong, I love authors who can write that much awesome stuff, but, damn it, why can't that be meeee?!

(Side note: I realize I might be sounding like the crying prom queen here, but sometimes I just need a venue that's not going to judge me. Somewhere I can be honest and voice my problems.)

There are days when I'm inspired and I want to do ALL THE THINGS! But there seem to be more days where I'd rather just wallow in my incompetency and eat chips and dip and spend hours on Tumblr looking at Sherlock gifs. I guess before I was published I thought, "If can just conquer this hurdle, it'll be smooth sailing." How I got this in my head, I have no idea! Because the sailing is not smooth, my friends. It's freaking choppy. It's tsunamic (not a word but it is now).

I want to end this rambling blog post with some poetic answer as to how to fix this, but the truth is there is no magic, pretty answer. Life is hard, shit happens, there are road blocks, and the only thing we can do is keep on swimming. I know this. And there are good things, too. So many good, wonderful, amazing things! I guess I just need to focus more on those good things rather than allowing doubt, jealousy, and Sherlock gifs get in the way.

If you read this entire, whiny post, thank you. And if you just skimmed over it, that's cool, too. If you want to commiserate, please do! Like Kelsey said in her vlog, there's a ton of support for querying authors (as it should be), but once you get the agent/editor, things can become super lonely.

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